“People do not change, they become more themselves”
Murphy's Law applied to Psychology
This is a Murphy's Law that makes me think deeply, because it makes sense. At least for me, it does. I do not change. I become more myself. And if I change every day, I become more myself, a constant shifting. Even a metamorphosis is increasingly a metamorphosis, and a rock is a rock just because it does not change. This law is a disgraceful intriguing.
I've seen in my last days as it is difficult to abandon certain habits, and how it is very difficult to acquire others. I have a slight tendency for depression whenever I see a dead end, and an undesirable behavior, but unchanging, is a disappointing dead end.
Exemplifying: Suppose I hate my job. If I do nothing, never leave my job, and it alone will never change so much that I will come to like this. So, I imagine, for example, I would rather quit my job and live abroad. For this to work, I have to start moving. Learning a new language, raise money, etc.., But in time to implement any of these small steps, it does not work. The days go by, I keep complaining about life and can not change a comma in my daily routine, in my way of acting, in my behavior, in my way of thinking.
I am determined to get good at English. But it's not easy. Not that English is difficult. The problem is me and my ingrained habits. I can not have two souls.
I hate this situation, but I know that anger does not solve anything. But it is hopeless. I feel sleepy all day, no matter how much I sleep. I have a mild depression, but chronic. I have no energy. That's it. Nothing arouses real enthusiasm as ten years ago. I must have a very large unresolved trauma. Ah, I got it!
I am determined to get good at English. But it's not easy. Not that English is difficult. The problem is me and my ingrained habits. I can not have two souls.
I hate this situation, but I know that anger does not solve anything. But it is hopeless. I feel sleepy all day, no matter how much I sleep. I have a mild depression, but chronic. I have no energy. That's it. Nothing arouses real enthusiasm as ten years ago. I must have a very large unresolved trauma. Ah, I got it!
Meanwhile, I'm living viscously, sleepily, with a weight in the bottom of the eye.
One day, a few years ago, I decided to do a tomography of my brain and in fact, there is a region behind my eyes that run a little slower than the rest. This region means slower depression. It is a vicious circle: the brain chemical causes psychological depression that refeeds brain chemistry and so for years. I think an electroshock could be an option not yet attempted. Or is it simply a question I get to play sports? Who knows is this: all about new habits. Simple, except for the fact that I hate sports. Another vicious circle.
One day, a few years ago, I decided to do a tomography of my brain and in fact, there is a region behind my eyes that run a little slower than the rest. This region means slower depression. It is a vicious circle: the brain chemical causes psychological depression that refeeds brain chemistry and so for years. I think an electroshock could be an option not yet attempted. Or is it simply a question I get to play sports? Who knows is this: all about new habits. Simple, except for the fact that I hate sports. Another vicious circle.
I slowly trying to change my life. Gradually, I'm listening to all the twenty-five Zappa CDs that I bought in a promotion a few years ago and until today have not heard anything. Incredible my lack of motivation: I love Zappa!
I need an electroshock!! Urgent!!
My message of the day:
"I do not change. I become more myself. "
Rosenvaldo Simões de Souza
No comments:
Post a Comment